You are not alone. I have felt tgat way too. Recognizing and owning out own actions is painful but necessary. You are not broken or toxic though some of your thought patterns and actions may be. It may be hard to remember but we are not our thoughts and feelings. Out thought patterns are often programmed responses that we learned as children that are no longer appropriate. You can chose whether you let these old patterns rule you. The process can be long and hard but remember you are not your feelings and they don’t have to control your actions. You are not alone. Find the strength to keep fighting.
I have made some pretty big mistakes in my life, and through some more not great decisions, I’ve started to face those things I’ve done. I have finally started to come to terms that I am an extremely toxic person, and I have been trying to better myself and apologize to those I’ve hurt. Now that I’m letting my walls down, I’ve realized that they were barely holding on as is anyways. I feel broken and alone.